I wanted to reflect
on two learning experiences that has and continues to shape me as a human being
and educator. When I was a child I had a lot of anger and frustration inside my
little crazy body. My family used to call me “Animal” because I was like the Muppet
character all wild and unpredictable. I was known to be extremely hyper and
would have grand mal seizures when I couldn't regulate my emotions. If I was
angry I would lash out by hitting, biting, or throwing whatever was nearest me
to whomever was closest. When that wouldn't regulate my mood I would start to
convulse which was probably my body’s way of shutting down and cooling off. I
was a terror and had to have my own handler in preschool that was dedicated to
only me.
I engaged in many activities that were to focus my energy
and when I was able to write my mother introduced a technique that has saved me
many times. I was given a little red book with blue leather caps on the four
corners. The spine had black chines characters written on it and inside the
pages were a soft pink with red lines. This was my new escape and therapy so to
speak. My mother told me when I was angry, frustrated, or sad to write out my
emotions and feelings. She told me to go back to read what I wrote after a few
days and reflect on what I was feeling and evaluate it. That was probably the
best thing that I could learn because it taught me to think before I acted.
I kept a journal throughout elementary and middle school. In
high school I started to taper off on my writing because I got heavily into
dance and that helped me tremendously as well. When I was attending community
college after high school and doing professional musical productions I kept a
little green notebook that I would write my thoughts while watching t.v. or
whatever that would pop in my head. I always felt like I had so much zipping
and zooming through my mind it, was hard for me to focus. That was my twitter
but without the technology. Now, I have
Twitter and I love to micro blog.
I learned to manage my emotions, anger, and think before I
act out and do something I would regret. One example that I remember was when
my first boyfriend broke up with me in 6
th grade. He started seeing
our mutual friend and came to school with a hickey on his neck. I wrote a
letter cussing them both out and saying horribly mean and nasty things because
I was hurt. My mother told me to write the letter but do not give it until
reading it the next day. If after two days I still felt that way give it but if
not just keep it and tuck it away. This has been my mode of dealing with
situations and giving me time to reflect. I am a constant thinker and analyzer
so not only has it saved me from acting out but it quiets my mind from the constant
thoughts and pressure flowing through it.
The difference now in what I do to express my thoughts in
micro blogging is that I can’t put out my 1st initial feelings like
I could in journaling. People tell me to make my Twitter private, but then I truly
can’t be a part of the World Wide Web as it was intended to be. If there is
something that I want to get out and can’t really put it out there I will code
it so only I can understand and that’s good enough for me. I use Twitter every
day and has been such a joy to share in this world with people that share in
the same likes and interests. I’m not confined to my four walls of San
Francisco but as a stage person would say I’m breaking the “fourth wall.”
The experience of writing and expressing myself has helped
me immensely. Growing up I had a lot of strife. I also used play and my
imagination to escape my reality and the lonely life I lived as a child. I
played with my Barbie’s until high school, and that was my way of not living in
my “world” but creating the world I wanted through my dolls. Like Thomas and Seely-Brown suggest in "A New Culture of Learning" play and imagination are important. I still feel
emotional pain and although I am not able to tolerate much, I can usually
manage until it passes. This is why I like to work with adolescents, because I've
been there and have taken the time to remember and reflect on the things that I
was going through. I am able to talk to my students about the pain they may be
feeling and how to move through it. Using writing and movement has been the
ultimate release for me throughout my life and still continues to support me
through to this day. I am so very grateful that I get to help others in the
same way that I have discovered savior.
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| #danceforever #dancelife #living #surviving |
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